What I’ve been up to

Time for a life update via phone photos? OK!

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Wha?!

Now, before you yell at me for taking photos while driving please note the orange construction sign. Traffice was at a stand still. Ever wonder how they change billboards? Well just how you’d imagine! Some guy has to climb up there and do it. I noticed they were tied on but it was still terrifying.

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A couple weeks ago Cute Boy decided to have a bourbon tasting. He had plenty of options. It was all too rough for me.

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Have you heard of cronuts? People are waiting in line and then reselling cronuts for $500. They are THAT good. Well, I guess I can’t speak for the original but I can speak for these that were made by one of the Chefs I work with. It’s a croissant. Fried like a donut. It’s as good as you imagine. No…better.

How about those Royals?

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No team is hotter in baseball right now. We took in a game recently from the Diamond Club. Not too shabby.

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The guy who works with Slugger is called the “Lion Tamer”

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I LOVE PEOPLE DRESSED AS ANIMALS!

The other day I walked into an elevator at my hair salon and as the doors closed I looked up to see this:

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Uh…it was a little unnerving.

Did you notice I’ve joined Instagram? I added it to the sidebar of my blog there on the left. Here’s a few examples of the groundbreaking things you can expect to see from @trophywifeKSU 

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Tuesday Shoes

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Found this in my shirt 3 hours later

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Beers drank with @mrsgibbycooks and @jkeeley10

What have you been up to?

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Cousins and friends

A few weeks ago I took a short trip to Emporia to visit my cousins. My friends. We had a great time, as always.

We had some late night sing-alongs.

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We hung out with this sweetheart all weekend:

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We had a bonfire and played beer pong on a table I can definitely get behind:

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And we even hung out at the pool, taking Baby Delta on her first pool adventure.

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I think she’s wondering why they are blowing up another toy when there’s already a boat behind her.

 

Dacey, Lolo, Baby Delta, Trophy Wife (in the back), Chelsea, and Amy

There may have been a few beverages consumed along the way.

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#badbitches

A great time was had by all. Can’t wait to do it again.

 

#SYTYCD

Anyone out there watching SYTYCD this year? I have been, of course, but it just isn’t the same anymore and I can’t quite tell you why. Maybe I’m just over it after so many seasons of watching. Overall I feel like each season either has good guys or good girls but not both. This season? Definitely the girls. The guys are all way too skinny for my liking. You know I like some shirtless hot guys dancing when I watch SYTYCD.

Current favorite: Jenna;

She’s been in the bottom quite a bit lately although last week I actually voted (thank you text voting) and this week she wasn’t in the bottom. Clearly it was my one vote.

Of course I also like Hayley. She’s from Topeka, KS, gotta support the hometown girl. Plus those abs…

Cat mentioned something this past week that called for further investigation. Twitch. My Twitch.This one:

He’s engaged. I guess I’m about 7 months late to this party because he got engaged in January. TO ALISON HOLKER! She’s from Season 2. Season 2 was the first season I started watching. Benji won. Travis Wall got 2nd. Never mind, back to Twitch. He met Alison on the All Star Season and now they are getting married. WHA?! I mean good for them.

Here’s a fun video about the proposal.

Guess I’ll just have to youtube some old episodes to get my fix of hot dancers with no shirts on. Pre engagement.

With a name like that…

One of my favorite things is seeing what Internet searches bring people to my blog. As you can imagine most are trophy wife related. Below are my favorites and my first reaction upon reading them. You should check your searches out too!

fake trophy wife             Yes!

being 30 sucks     Also, yes!

i’m not happy 30 sucks   You’ll get over it

trophy wives with fake  Wonder where they were going with that?

hobby lobby gemstone mirror   SEE! It is cool!

why trophy wives suck       I can’t think of a single reason

rodney mcgruder and martavious            Gonna miss those kids

real life trophy wife        I wish

j&j wife                Yay! I love J&J…but they don’t have wives…

trophy wife stadium       They totally should have named KSU’s new stadium after me

trophy wives have great life        I bet they do just like I bet English is not your first language

emaw is stupid   We know how I feel about that!

ryan reynolds trophy wife            YES!! Why didn’t I think of that instead of falling in love?

some inappropriate trophy wife searches that I won’t repeat       I bet these folks were disappointed to find my blog!

what gets out hummus              Club soda?

being 30               See number 2

my husband called me his trophy wife   So does mine! Take it as a compliment even thought it might have meant you are high maintenance

how to eat like a trophy wife      Ha! Also disappointed here because I don’t eat like a Trophy Wife

Once a month

This year J, J, & T-dub decided to try to make sure we get together at least once a month. While you may not have heard about these outings on any of our blogs, I can assure you that halfway into the 2013 we’ve held up our pact. I was able to find these recaps between the 3 of us: Jan, Feb, March…and that brings us to June. Yeah, I know it’s July, get off my case. If you’ve learned anything in 2013 it’s that even though I went .com I haven’t blogged more.

In May, at my house, we brought up an idea we’d discussed previously: Shopping at Forever 21. I can’t do it. I think I’m too old for that place and yet somehow I keep going back. I made a rule, with Cute Boy once, that I wasn’t allowed to go in there anymore. There isn’t anything for me. Stay away. Do not be confused. But I’d always find my way to it and Cute Boy would ask, sweetly, “Didn’t you say you aren’t allowed to go in there anymore?” and even though it was my own rule and he could care less I would take that to mean that he thought I was too old too. As if he’d have any idea.

Jamie seems to share my confusion about F21 and we keep finding ourselves astonished when Jana shows up in something amazing and announces that she bought it at Forever 21. We asked Jana to take us shopping and show us how it’s done.

We met up at Nordstroms and discussed important things like, “You can’t wear open toed wedges with shorts”, (J&Js rule, I don’t even own shorts) and “Why does this bracelet cost $70?” (because it’s Michael Kors). We quickly made our way out of there and onto F21. Right away I encountered a problem: there are just so. many. things. At some point I made a confession. I’ve NEVER owned anything animal print. J&J were surprised. One of them asked, “Not even shoes?” and that’s a yes, not even shoes. They were on a mission to find me some animals.

We really spent most of the time trying to figure out what is up with some of these recent styles. It seems clothes our mothers wore while we were growing up are coming back in and there’s something about it that doesn’t sit right with me. We each grabbed something ridiculous and tried it on just for fun.

 My wild side:
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I particularly like that the girl behind me is super amused. Perhaps it’s because she can see that my skirt is NOT zipped.

Jamie is sporting what we referred to as Kelly Kapowski’s jean top and striped leggings while Jana is making those houndstooth pants actually look amazing.

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I’m a fan of their serious model faces.

We did all end up buying something and here are my finds:

Animal print! That’s a giraffe, right?

 

shirt

 

And this $12 dress they convinced me to buy. It’s too short, right?

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Yes, definitely. This is the problem with F21, you know it’s a bad choice but $12? It would be wrong NOT to buy it.

We followed up our shopping with dinner at the Nordstrom Cafe. It confused me. It was like a cafeteria but we had a nice bottle of wine and excellent table service. Strange. We discussed important topics like Paula Deen and Sky Diving. Still think you’re crazy, J.

Things we learned*:

1. F21 is too young for us.

2. Animals are cool.

3. Don’t wear open toed wedges with shorts. (Are you sure? I’m still not convinced)

4. Nordstrom Cafe serves wine.

*(this segment stolen from Jamie’s trip recaps)

Do they get to keep the honey?

Before I share the following text convo a little back story is required. Cute Boy and I have to have some work done on our home. I haven’t mentioned it because I haven’t been blogging I know Cute Boy will be pissed that I’m even mentioning it now I don’t really know why not…

Cute Boy: My worst nightmare was realized today.

Trophy Wife: (Scanning the recesses of her mind TDub could only come up with things that were HER worst nightmare: Running out of wine, rolling an ankle in 5 inch heels – not because of the pain but because of the embarrassment, or perhaps still weighing the most she’s ever weighed in her whole life – oh wait, that’s real life.) What happened?

Cute Boy: The house next to the one I’m working at has some kind of massive bee hive and these guys in bee suits are removing them all. There are Bees EVERYWHERE. 20-30 THOUSAND of them.

Trophy Wife: Ew. Actually, wouldn’t your worst nightmare be a hive of wasps? (Finally remembering the ONLY thing he actually hates)

Cute Boy: This is pretty bad.

Then he sent me a photo of some guy all suited up climbing out of the house with the caption, “We could have this problem instead.”

Trophy Wife: Which is more expensive? And…do they get to keep the honey?

I mean, I’m just saying! I hear Honey Laundering is a serious issue right now!

This is why I don’t bake

The only person harder to buy a gift for than my husband is my father. Go ahead, name every gift you’ve given your father for his birthday and father’s day. Mine would not use any of those. And gift cards to Home Depot no longer even work after the door incident of 2010. It’s an epic story that I’m sure my dad would be happy to tell you if you ask him. I’ve resorted to giving cards and no gifts. What a horrible daughter. Actually I’ve started taking him and my mom to dinner which is probably more fun for my mom and I than my dad. Oops.

For this most recent Father’s Day I decided to attempt to make his favorite dessert: Boston Cream Pie. First of all, it’s really a cake and second of all do you have any idea how many eggs, separated, are involved in this thing? I bought more eggs, cream, and milk than have been in my fridge in years. It was especially fun to see Cute Boy’s face when he saw what I’d bought. He was royally confused why this Vegan Fake Vegan was buying Whole milk.

I don’t bake much and just like sewing, when I do bake I remember why people don’t do it anymore. There are just so. many. dirty. dishes. And they all have to be washed by hand. I had to wash the bowl to my Kitchen Aid like 3 times just to complete the dessert. But even more than that, I don’t bake because it’s so stressful!

I started with the custard portion of the cake because it had to chill for 2 hours. What? You want me to start a project and then while in the middle, flour everywhere, totally exhausted, you want me to stop and wait 2 hours for something to chill? Ugh. So I started with the custard thinking I could make the cake while it was chilling.

And so the egg separating began. I needed 6 yolks.

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Of course the recipe tells you to hang onto the whites for something else…like breakfast the next day. Yeah. Ok. Except I forgot about the whites and now, 7 days later they are still sitting in my fridge in a bowl. How long are egg whites good? You understand, as a Vegan…er um…Veganish who has taken way too many classes about foodborne illnesses, that I am wary of those egg whites. The custard came together with the help of whole milk and REAL vanilla bean.

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Here’s something you see on all those cooking shows that you never do yourself:

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But here’s the moment of panic. Put the custard back on the stove to boil. But, uh, is it supposed to be frothy?

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Why the hell is it so frothy? And at what point do you throw out this frothy custard? All 6 egg yokes and REAL vanilla bean? Luckily I waited just a bit longer than I thought I should AND I reread the instructions that said I should be stirring constantly. The custard became thick and CREAMY in a matter of about 2 seconds. Then it was almost too thick! This. This is why I don’t bake. That 2 seconds where it’s either heaven or start over. Luckily I pulled if off just in time.

Then I baked the cake. No, then I cleaned the bowl of the Kitchen Aid. Then I baked the cake. Or rather, I mixed the first set of ingredients, cleaned the bowl again and then whisked my egg whites (not the same whites from before – the cake took two yokes and then two whites).

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And here it is again. Soft peaks? Are those soft peaks? They look like soft peaks. At what point are they hard peaks? WHAT IS A PEAK?!

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So I baked the cake. Waited until the cream was chilled. Melted chocolate for the ganache. And then assembled my cake.

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It turned out great. If I had one complaint it is that the cake was a little dry but we didn’t eat it until the following day and it was in the fridge that whole night so perhaps that dried it out? That custard though? Magic. I bet it was the real vanilla.

Got a text from my dad a few days later saying it was the best Boston Cream Pie he’d ever had. Success. Totally worth it.

Recipe here.

Drought

I came home the other day and posed a question to my patient husband:

Do you have any idea how long it’s been since I bought a pair of shoes?

He barely paused before answering, sincerely:

It’s been a long time! What…2 months?

It’s actually been 3. I haven’t bought a pair of shoes since my birthday shoes. And before that it’s been a few months as well. When I brought this up on Twitter, Megan wondered how it was possible, what with my membership to Shoe Dazzle. The reason for the drought is not for lack of browsing, shopping, and trying on. The great shoe drought of 2013 is cause for great concern. You see, there aren’t any good shoes out there. I’m being serious. Right now the only thing catching my eye are these:

 

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Hello, lover

Sadly, the $1070 price tag is a little more than I can afford.

Honestly, I have been looking. I have a gift card from my birthday to DSW that’s burning a hole in my pocket. The shoes there have me worried about where fashion is heading. It’s low. And ugly. These are two things I don’t do in shoes. Unless they are Toms. And even Tom is branching out. DSW has continued to come up short. Kim Kardashian? Awful. I am disappointed and horrified about the direction she’s going in and I’m not talking about her pregnancy fashion. BTW – maybe lay off calling the pregnant woman fat, you asshats. Here’s a few examples of what options she’s been sending me recently:

 

Vixen

Manon

 

Yeah. The best part is that first pair, there are only 5 left available and they cost $119. Yep, Kim went and changed her structure again. She’s carrying some designers now but the prices have gone up and now shipping IS NOT FREE! Also, she keeps telling me she’s given me a free $10 to join the “VIP” section but it costs $10 a month so I WON’T BE FOOLED! Also, the shoes on the Dazzle are getting dangerously high. And not in a good way. In a stripper, cheap way.

You see my concern now?

All that being said. There are a couple shoes in the running for my affection right now.

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Fun or cheesy?

Steve Madden 'Dejavu' Pump

What do you think? Time to make it rain?

Get your life together

Last weekend Running Drinking Buddy and I went to the Midland in downtown KC to see Jillian Michaels speak. The show was called Maximize Your Life but I kept saying I was going to learn how to get my life together. It was…well both over and underwhelming.

Her website calls it a “unique, live experience sharing her keys to Health, Success, and Happiness”. OK. The first portion was about health. Healthy eating and working out. I was bored. Under whelmed. Feeling I’d wasted my money. Because I know all of that. We all know all of that, right? Eat less. Move more. I know all about how they list sugar 5 different ways on an ingredient list so that sugar doesn’t show up as the #1 ingredient. I know that eating organic meat and dairy can help you lose weight because your metabolism isn’t fighting with all those chemicals. In fact, reading her book, Master Your Metabolism, is what cause me to go organic in the first place. In fact, you could say Jillian made me a vegan(ish) composting, microwave hating hippy. When it was time for intermission I was wondering why I was spending my Sunday evening there hearing things I could quote myself if needed when I heard the woman next to me say “I can’t believe you have to burn 3500 calories to lose a pound”!

Seriously. You know that, right? All of you heard that one years ago and have since heard it a million times, right? It was perplexing to me because if you are here listening to Jillian, you must be a fan of hers right? So you’ve seen her shows or read her books or something, right? Guess not. I wasn’t looking for eat less, move more because I know that. I preach that in my head. But what I do is sit at a computer 10 hours a day and then sit in front of a TV until it’s time to go bed while eating whatever looks good and is fast. What I wanted was something to spur me to change for real this time. Something to help me stop talking/bloging/thinking about living a healthy life and to start actually living a healthy life. Jillian said she doesn’t life working out. But knows she needs to in order to live the life she wants. She said you have to figure out your “why”. Why to eat less and move more and once your why is big enough you’ll live a mostly healthy life. I guess “I want to look hot” isn’t a big enough why to make me actually do anything.

The second half of the show was heavier. She talked about the rat race we all buy into, she talked about how we work jobs we don’t love and live lives we don’t love because that’s what society tells us to do. She says you shouldn’t do that. Instead, find your passion, live a life you can love and be proud of. Yep. Sounds right. Of course there was so much more to it and it was thought provoking and motivating and at times scary and often funny but I walked away wondering how I’d let it impact me or what I would do to change.

I guess I’m still trying to get my life together. The next 3o years, huh?

Top Ten Things I’m obsessed with right now

1. Not using an alarm. I’m not really sure what the science is behind this but I stopped using an alarm a few months ago and I literally wake up and look at the clock at 6:30am every single morning. Now, don’t get me wrong, Chris leaves before me so I’m awake long before I really need to be but it’s kinda crazy how it’s working. It also means I’ve been waking up earlier on the weekends without trying. Wasn’t that my New Year’s Resolution? Well it’s not working during the work week but it’s happening on the weekends without me trying. Don’t worry, I’m aware one of these days I’m going to oversleep by hours and be totally screwed. In the meantime I’m enjoying more restful sleep and peaceful wake ups.

2. Friday Night Lights. My BFF, Harvard, has been trying to get me on that bandwagon for years and I’d added it to my Netflix cue a long time ago. One of my coworkers mentioned that maybe we couldn’t be friends since I hadn’t seen it. So last weekend I sat down and began what is an epic journey. We are into the second season – definite sophomore slump (DON’T RUIN IT FOR ME YOU JERKS!) and while I am not sure it has changed my life I do know that if I had high school to do over again I’d be a totally different person. Wouldn’t it be amazing to go back knowing what you know now? I would be Tyra instead of Lyla if I could do it again. For sure.

3. Online shopping. It’s gotten a little out of control, truthfully. But I need things! No, I don’t. But I keep buying. Nothing major. Just some clothes. And makeup. And a new purse. I CAN’T STOP! I NEED HELP! No really, do you think I should buy these?

4. Snapchat. Are you using this app? You need to find me: faketrophywife and start sending me snapchats. I spend way too much time trying to think of something clever to send to someone and I’m only chatting with like 3 people. It’s too much fun. And I’m totally aware that somewhere the Snapchat people are keeping all of your naked photos so think about that before you send them. I don’t send any of those.

5. This Boston Tragedy. I have no idea why but I cry every time I see something about it. Is this because I’m old? Why is this one different?

6. My new purse. And wallet. See #3. Technically the purse is my birthday present. Aren’t they both amazing?

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7. Spray Tan. I signed up for a monthly package (that they make you commit to for a year) so expect to see me tanner the next time you see me. I use this system.

8. Greek Yogurt. What is with Greek Yogurt having a heyday right now? Is it hey day? Or hay day? Whatever. I know, I know, what am I doing eating Greek yogurt when I’m all anti dairy? Not sure if it’s the increased protein (that should actually make it worse for my allergy) or what but I’ve been eating one every morning and haven’t seen any adverse affects. It’s delicious. Fage is my personal fav. And let’s focus on what is important: I’m eating breakfast daily for the first time since Elementary School.

9. SUVs. Cute Boy and I have been discussing buying a new car. (Wow I seem superficial after rereading all of these – 2 words: Trophy. Wife.) I am in LOVE LOVE LOVE with my Tiburon but she’s getting on in years (WHO ISN’T?!) and mileage so at some point it will be time to move on. I never thought I’d buy anything besides a sedan but when Tibby was in the shop I drove a Crossover and loved it. So we’re internet browsing and fantasizing about cars we shouldn’t. This is what we really want.

9. The Draft. I tweeted that attending the draft was on my bucket list and when someone inquired what all the fuss was about I simply responded that the draft is about: Possibility. When I was in college, KSU’s own Terrence Newman was expected to go very early in the draft. In fact, the rumor was he was going to my beloved Dallas Cowboys. That combo meant I had to watch. This was back when the draft was on a Saturday, not Thursday night. Cute Boy and I had just started “hanging out” then and I mentioned that I’d be watching the draft that Saturday. Mostly I wanted him to think I was a cool girl who watched so much football that she both knew when the draft was on and was going to watch it. Cute Boy didn’t have cable at this point in his life (Or a cell phone – seriously, think about that. We used to talk on his house phone/my dorm room phone…those were the good old days) so I saw my opportunity. I asked him if he’d like to come over and watch. The rest, as they say…

Fast forward to this year, Thursday night I was sitting on my couch remembering this story when I decided to tweet about. The following Twitter convo ensued:

I credit the draft for Chris & I getting together. I invited him over – I wanted to watch get drafted

Good job Chris! And he should have invited you over but it all worked out haha!!

I’m sorry, did you catch that? TERRENCE NEWMAN TWEETED ME! I’m famous. This is almost like the time John Mayer started following me on Twitter. I can barely contain my fame these days.

T New jersey

10. This weather. I know it’s only going to last a day but this sunshine has legit changed me. I am a different person today. I didn’t really think SAD got me this year but clearly it did because my outlook on life today is SUNNY and BRIGHT for the first time in a long time.